As you might have gleaned by now, when there’s a story to tell about Hollywood, I’m inclined to change the names and mix it up a bit to protect the innocent. What follows is mostly true, except what’s not.

At the end of summer, after several restorative sessions, Ms. Todd made Mr. Bloomfield a proposition. She offered an entrée position in the film industry in exchange for a suitable period of physical, if not matrimonial devotion. When Kier replied earnestly that he usually preferred the company of men Toni countered, “One must always cultivate friendship, I’m talking about marriage, when you get older you’ll come to appreciate what I mean”.

At twenty-one, after a love affair with a dominating, tan, Lacrosse player went sour, Kier graduated from Dartmouth despondent and took a job Toni arranged assisting a British director. The opus was a comic book turned major motion picture. The director complained of being “malignantly nobbled by the studio” and sent his young assistant to fetch his laundry, market for delicacies at Irvine Ranch Market and Chalet Gourmet, tend his brick sized Motorola cell phone, drive him from club to club on his evenings off, and on one notable morning appear at his Santa Monica rental at 3:00 a.m. to catch a blue jay that was systematically flying into every window in the house in an attempt to escape. Why, the director wasn’t able to throw a towel over the bird and toss it outside himself could only be explained by the white powder clinging to his nostrils and the frenzied kibitzing he offered as Kier chased the unfortunate animal down.

After the bird incident the director found Kier indispensable. He relied on him for practically everything. He kept him by his side always. On one such occasion, with Kier in an indelicate position in the director’s trailer reading the day’s new script pages while Ian (the director) bemoaned his 100 million dollar “film fiasco” and let his sweaty forehead rest against the young man’s bare pelvis, Kier piped up with some surprisingly good script notes. Thus, his screenwriting career was born.

Delighted, Toni bought him a Lexus, then, a few years later on his 25th birthday a condo on Wilshire in Westwood.

When he was twenty-seven Kier nursed Toni through her second face lift, a primitive affair involving an early version laser that turned her skin to strawberry jelly, and incisions under the chin, behind the ears, and in the eye orbit just below her brows. He served chilled pineapple juice with a straw and a Vicodan chaser, plumped pillows, applied antibiotic salve, and on the hour placed ice packs around her swollen face. All the while Toni’s white Persian cat, Renee, sat on Toni’s chest and stared up at her adoringly. The cat creeped Kier out, and besides, all that fur couldn’t be sanitary. But, every time he shooed Renee away Toni patted the bed and the cat flounced back into place. A week later, after he’d driven her to the surgeon to have her sutures examined the doctor puzzled over why the stitches above Toni’s eyes had disappeared. Kier had no doubt the cat had licked them out, but thought it better not to mention it to Toni who was delighted at her rejuvenation. For his devotion during her transformation back to forty Toni secured Kier representation at CAA, and finally, when he turned twenty-nine she called in his debt and they were wed.

© Vickie Lester and Beguiling Hollywood, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (text) without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Vickie Lester and Beguiling Hollywood with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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  1. October 14, 2012

    You know, Jackie Collins should go to your for plots. I loved it! The details are so brilliant in your stories. And you know Toni was a little scary in the beginning but I really liked her.

    • October 14, 2012

      Thank you — scary when first met is such a treat when it turns into someone not at all scary. Especially if you’ve heard cautionary tales – oh – and how they abound here…

    • October 14, 2012

      It is a chapter that’s buried in the back story of a novel with completely different protagonists. I’m seriously thinking of posting a page a day starting from the beginning and straightening this whole thing out 😉

  2. October 14, 2012

    Bravo, Ms. V! Really enjoyed this!

    • Vickie Lester
      October 15, 2012

      Thanks love!

  3. George Kaplan
    April 7, 2013

    “At the end of summer, after several restorative sessions”. So *FUNNY* and so deliciously *naughty*! “Restorative sessions” wonderful phrase, can’t believe I missed this in the archives. Thanks for retrieving it. My heart goes out to Toni having that horrible surgery. Another fantastic journey into V’s story Hollywood. Bravo. 🙂

    • April 7, 2013

      That white Persian cat was much doted on, even with its awful habits, but alas – it’s no longer with us. And Toni? Well, I can’t say 😉

  4. George Kaplan
    April 7, 2013

    Aw, you *are* a tease, Ms L. I have a cat, not a persian but a ginger tom. I’ve called him Eugene Christopher. I say “I have a cat” but he’s a stray who just turns up.
    May I say here that I love the photo on your About page? It is beautiful, if it’s not odd to note that. I adore the gaze and the hat and the picture itself. Ahem. It has a shimmering, luminous, quality. I know…off on a tangent.
    P. S. Forgot to mention on last post – like the Herman’s Hermits analogy! All together as “delightfully” redolent of the ’60s as Thompson Twins of ’80s. Good call! I’m Enery the Eighth I Am/Bits and Pieces. Ha.

    • April 7, 2013

      I’ll just say this, the Persian has been replaced by two Siamese…

  5. George Kaplan
    April 7, 2013


  6. April 8, 2013

    Honestly V.
    Hollywood truly is the new Babylon, or perhaps it was… maybe things are much more wholesome (and dull) these days?
    I do hope not!
    Yours ever
    The Perfumed Dandy

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