I have a friend who’s an actor (you might even call him a star), who when he started out, did a lot of house sitting among the hoi polloi of Hollywood. Let me tell you now, hoi polloi doesn’t mean “the swells”, it means the masses. Okay. That settled, once he did a little house sitting for me. Everyone in our household was shooting on location, which meant our Beachwood Canyon home would have stood empty for months, so a reliable guardian was required.
I, in my most angelic manner, left instructions on watering the garden and feeding the cat. I can say when I returned home the cat was still alive… However, the little apricot tree I had been nurturing was a shriveled twig. Furthermore, some of my nicer bits of lingerie were missing from my underwear drawer (gifts? a secret yen for lacy underthings beneath his bluejeans?). But the thing that really puzzled me, the very oddest thing of all were the splashes of barbecue sauce on the beams of our Mid-Century ceiling.
Anyone care to posit a theory?
Oh, and if you’re reading this Mr. Kaplan: thank you for the parody posted earlier… It was—if I don’t say so myself—a hoot! And I can assure you the book is more Hollywood fable than fiction, but as you can glean…it might just be based on fact.
Hmm… We’ll, the Romans were known to combine the culinary with the coital weren’t they? Could have happened here, and BBQ sauce doesn’t really need at grill 😉
When in…the Hollywood Hills…use garum! Just like the Romans…http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garum… I would have flipped my lid if there was rotten old fish sauce on the ceiling!
Theories to Explain Barbecue Sauce on the Ceiling:
1. The Hunky Housesitter from Hell had developed a real-life version of flubber or replicated the Ed Wynn scene from Mary Poppins and ate food floating around the ceiling – it got messy! And the flubber wore off before he could get the sauce off… 🙂
2. Your goofy friend took a really, really hot steak inside and boy, howdy, it was SO HOT that when he took a bite he HOWLED and a stream of barbecue sauce skyrocketed from his mouth! He was able to scrub the rest away but…missed the sauce on the ceiling!
3. He had an irrational hatred of “mid-century” ceilings and made his loathing known by besmirching yours with barbecue sauce.
4. He *liked* “mid-century” ceilings but always felt they could take a little drizzling with barbecue sauce to *really* set them off.
Theories for What Happened to Your Lingerie:
1. It wasn’t him, it was your cat! Dreaming of a species change, the saucy minx.
2. He utilized them as handkerchiefs. Dirty Boy!
3. They were used by the women starring in the porn movie that he arranged to shoot in your home while you were away. Bwahahahaha!
I’m pleased you enjoyed my post Vickie, I found this one of *yours* highly entertaining!
Whew. You two kids are in truly exceptional, Olympic competition without even any bribing form today/this evening if I may say so myself.
-Heather, Back from the Curb and Guzzling Wine (meaning maybe she will be back on the curb soon)
Ms. Heather I will write you an email while you slumber and my eyes go back to normal. xox, V
I have a confession to make, my eyes are dilated from an eye examination, but I had to respond to your comment… YOU CRACK ME UP… “1. It wasn’t him, it was your cat! Dreaming of a species change, the saucy minx.” BWAHAHAHA!
Heather! Doesn’t wine make everything better?! (For a while) Hey, stay away from that curb, it’s nowhere for a classy dame like you to be! 🙂
Once I lent the burgundy Jaguar… it returned with footprints on the ceiling… I’d rather not posit.
You are very wise!
Dare I suggest that you take a bottle of barbecue sauce and experiment?
Oh, my Angel. As I just was prescribed trifocals (!) I’m afraid any such experimentation might result in injury 😉 .
Trifocals; triple horror. I can’t cope with bifocals. Happily, this means I can’t see what might be lurking on my ceilings.
I’ll report back in a week after I pick them up…and I’m hanging onto my old glasses just in case!
Very wise to hang on to those old glasses.
I favor the porn movie theory. Maybe starring Bobby Flay?
Bobby Flay’s Barbecue Addiction takes on a whole new meaning… 😉