On the level with Vickie Lester, a.k.a, The Vile Harpy – Spa Days and Implants

Heavens, sometimes we just need a spa day. And, to me a spa day is a day I speak my mind.

Elizabeth Arden 1930

Let’s start with breast implants. One Christmas holiday I heard from a newly minted bachelor, who no longer had the duty of trying to warm his silicon enhanced consort, that implants were not only rock solid on a chilly night – they also were disturbingly cold. He actually said it creeped him out when he cuddled up to something akin to “cold dead flesh” – he said he was relieved he no longer had to touch his ex-girlfriend’s “after market parts.”

I nearly blew a “gasket.” Imagine the sad soul the “cold dead flesh” was attached to! And, that’s my gripe. Do you think anybody would elect to have cold, hard, decolletage – heck, we’re not talking just the upper part of the breasts, as in: decolletage – we’re talking the entire rack – would anybody KNOWINGLY choose to give themselves an ICE CHEST.

I think not. I think when a surgeon hands a patient a twenty page disclosure document pre-op that patient might just glance through it.  That patient might hand it to their best friend to see if the caring but medically unqualified friend will catch anything in the extraordinarily long text that they should be aware of. When the best friend voices a few misgivings the patient might say something like, “if that was going to happen the doctor would have told me…” Because, that patient is in an industry that applies outrageous cosmetic standards, and they will do nearly anything to maintain them.

Hypothetically speaking.

Venting suspended. The photo above is of the Elizabeth Arden salon in Hollywood, circa 1930. Isn’t it interesting that a place called “The Bachelors” is right next door?

Subscribe to Podcast


  1. January 11, 2013

    Hmmm. Love the Venting Friday. I think it’s funny when people say Joan Rivers looks great for her age. But, when you see her exit out a cab or walk down the street she walks like a 90 year old. And, her face doesn’t look any age, its weirdly nougat-y. Like there’s something gelatinous in there. I feel bad for the Ice Chest lady. Aging is tough as it is, and the industry keeps shoving these painful ideals on us making it literally painful. It takes strong women to resist. That’s why I search the world (internet) for positive roll models, old ladies who say no and rock it their way. But, what the hell, who knows what I’ll do when faced with major aging issues. But, sorry no ice rack for me. But maybe a little botox??? Oh, God.

    • January 11, 2013

      No! No Botox! It will give you a stony MARBLE BROW. There actually are hormones released as a result of facial expressions and they are finding Botox devotees are developing dampened emotional responses. Think Kristen Stewart. Actually, try not to think of Kristen Stewart, ever.

      • January 11, 2013

        Had no idea. But, now I can’t stop thinking about Kristen Stewart. And, now my brow is furrowed. Thanks.

      • January 12, 2013

        ….and the fridge door forehead of Nicole Kidman…..

      • January 12, 2013

        I think (I HOPE) that might be a little more relaxed now because she is an utterly beautiful lady. One thing I have noticed is when you see someone in person with Botox it’s not as noticeable as when you see them on the screen and their forehead alone is ten feet tall 😉

      • January 13, 2013

        When you see someone in person you are reacting to the whole package aren’t you, their tone of voice, what you are doing, where you are. When you are immersed in a movie you are completely reliant on their voice and facial expression to know how to feel.
        If their faces don’t move it takes away so much of the enjoyment.

        A curse on those who don’t cast people unless they look completely perfect in extreme close-up….grrrr…. Heaven forbid people actually look their age or like they had had some character shaping experiences in their lives!

      • January 13, 2013

        Which is why we LOVE Judy Davis!

  2. May 26, 2013

    I heard of one model over here{The UK} that had implants that could be inflated and deflated via some sort of air system rather like a life raft or inflatable toy.Apparenty she had little valves under each breast to enable this.So sometimes she would inflate them more or deflate them for this or that photo shoot.Frankly this sounds so bizarre that I am not even sure its true,but people will enable themselves to tolerate all sorts of strange things so I do not dismiss it out of hand.

    In China people wanting to be only a few inches taller have had their legs broken,surgical steel rods inserted between the upper and lower parts of their femurs and let nature grow the bone back up the inserts.Apparently this is a very painful procedure and the person is in a wheel chair for months.In the light of that maybe inflatable/deflatable breasts are not such a joke.

  3. May 26, 2013

    Occasionally we have stories of indulgent Mothers who fund implants for their sixteen year old daughters as birthday gifts etc.I cannot say anything about these mothers that does not involve abusive words.Typically they have way too much money or are prepared to borrow it and have had surgery themselves that makes them look absurd to my eyes ,but wonderful to their own.

    When I read of case like this or see them on Uk Breakfast TV I find it completely stomach churning and disgusting that anyone would fund such a thing for their child let alone be allowed to go ahead.

    Sheer stupidity must play a part as well as perhaps a twisted sense of caring and a desire to literally shape their daughter in ways that will not in the long run assist them with their lives.I sense something pathological about this broadly.

    • May 26, 2013

      Cosmetic surgery can border on the bizarre – the pathos is that people feel compelled to adhere to some imaginary standard – and that there are surgeons who will accommodate seems criminal. Poster child: Jocelyn Wildenstein.

      • May 26, 2013

        Vickie,yes seen her/it/Cosmetic mutilation in fact.Some people go the same route with a combo of inserts and tattoos like snake or is it lizard man.

      • May 27, 2013

        There is a book now quite a few years old now called i believe -The Beauty Game -from memory as I have it on my shelves but its too late to find.It deals with plastic surgery

  4. November 16, 2014

    Vicky, you should take more “spa days” because I can’t stop thinking about the ill-advised Ice Chest or Kristen Stuart…does she use a lot of Botox or something? How did she get in the mix? A thought-provoking post indeed!

  5. November 23, 2014

    You said “spa”… which reminds me that my mother called and started telling me about the spa in the Pine Grove Inn, in Asheville, NC, and how rude the attendants were there. I said, “that’s the hotel you sent Bear and I to for Christmas one year”. She denied it (now that she’s mad at the Pine Grove Inn she has decided that she sent us to a different inn), and the conversation went round and round. After that phone call, I put on the next episode of Gilmore Girls (I’m watching the entire series from the beginning on Netflix) and as the show opens, Lorelei answers the phone, and it’s her mother, saying “I’ve booked us at the spa at the Birch Grove Inn”…. I kid you not, I nearly fell off the sofa laughing. Because of course Lorelei and her mother’s time at the Birch Grove Inn was SO much like my discussion with my mother about the Pine Grove Inn. Absolutely funny and frustrating in equal measure.

Comments are closed.