THIS IS HOW I FEEL – HAPPY AND DESOLATE

photo for eichler homes by ernie braun

photo for eichler homes by ernie braun

Some combo…happy and desolate.

A certain young man is in Europe, poised for a two day exam that will set the course for his next four years. Exciting, wonderful, challenging.

Here at home it is very quiet, very still. None of that distinctive loping footfall that denotes an impatience with time and space. No rattling of cabinets and dishes and the bank vault thud of the refrigerator door at odd hours in the dark. No, “Hey, look at this! That is baller!” Or, “Have you seen my…? I can’t find the…?” No smiling emoticon appearing on my phone to signal he’s twenty minutes out from home. No piles of drawings on the dining room table, no trail of fibers or tatters of cloth (black, charcoal, or pinstripe) to his bedroom. None of the myriad of spot-on renditions of his professors’ accents in the kitchen while making dinner. No riffing with the Mister and cracking me up to the point that my nose runs.

It is very still. It is very quiet.

14 comments

  1. Understand I miss two of my kids as well.Kids?? Son got married a few days ago and daughter just graduated in Law.Just one left now-Little Emo-still at college and sixteen.Oh my.

  2. I know that silence. The ghosts of our children are ever present. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing that, and yet, because you’re a romantic, you’re able to turn it into a work of art through your words. It’s lovely. The photo is wonderful.
    He’ll succeed because of all the love and care he’s been enveloped in. xoxo
    Hugs for you, sweet Vickie. 🙂
    L.

    • I almost feel as if you’re sitting at the table here with me and chatting. Thank you! I have to send you the deets on a certain piece of book jacket art… Massive hugs, V

  3. George Kaplan

    God, Vickie that is so beautiful. Just a hint of The Kid and what he means to you, but perfect. Lovely, funny, joyous, heartwrenching. The Love and Pride and Everything Else you feel just radiates from this post. All those details some of them small but meaning the world. I offer my profoundest sympathy and support for your happy but desolated heart. Oh, and that is just the *perfect* picture, too.
    All my Warmest Wishes, George x

  4. Oh, V, how I feel your sense of happy/desolate. I have been there. I remember the myriad of emotions I felt when my one and only went off to college. We had and continue to have an incredibly close bond and experiencing life without my little whirling dervish was quite an adjustment…until I received my first text from her, and then another, and then the phone calls, and then, suddenly I realized it was going to be okay. I hadn’t anticipated it when she left, but a new adventure had begun for both of us. Embrace your happy/desolate, and know from one who has been there, all will be well.
    Much Love-
    M.

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