BIRDS DO IT BEES DO IT

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Sugarplum! If your face launched a movie franchise you’d do it too, and by that I mean cosmetic surgery. Let’s do the math: multiple film episodes can take over a decade to make. Not many people launch their careers as early as the leads in the Hogwarts series. To age on screen with your shining visage as big as a house, now… imagine that.

Marlene Dietrich was rumored to strap a golden chain just above her hairline to tighten and lift. Male stars with a subtle air of youth in their late forties resort to a string lift, less invasive and less expensive then a facelift.

A deep plane facelift is costly, painful, and your head swells to the size of pumpkin. However, after four weeks of recovery you may still be BRUISED, but no more sagging jowls, neck, and nasal labial folds (doesn’t that sound nice?) – I know, it sounds wretched. But, people who appear in public for a living consider it an investment to have their ears peeled off and reattached.

The point is, not to get silly about it. Nobody has apple cheeks at sixty, nor should they.

9 comments

  1. Luanne

    My mom is having her lids lifted. When she was my age she had lipsuction and a face lift. AFter her next surgery, at 78, she’s gonna look better than me. That is so wrong.

    • Luanne, you are a cutie! Don’t even think about it! All respect to Mom, I get why people do it — but please don’t! There’s always good subtle work to be done with new techniques that don’t involve going under the knife…and zero recovery time. And, here’s the thing, I think it’s addictive. Once you start altering your features surgically there’s always the thought, “Oh, if I just did a little more.”

  2. Heather in Arles

    Oof. Well-spoken on a touchy subject. I have a deep wrinkle between my eyes and have since mid-twenties or so–basically it is due not to frowning but my facial structure being completely off-balance because of a wacko orthodontist when I was a kid whose reaction to any problem was “just pull it out!”. My main agent started getting complaints along the lines of “we love Heather but she is just not looking her best these days” or “she is just too old” before I turned thirty–and I was a theatre actress!!! Of course I tried Botox and it did absolutely zippideedoodah. My only real option would have been a deep plane lift WITH a jaw restructuring. Which wasn’t an option, either financially or otherwise since I kinda like my face as it is . Luckily just about that time I met my French honey and said goo’bye to all that. But honestly, if there was that much pressure on lowly me, what on Earth must it be like for the big guns??

    • The pressure is ridiculous, and much the same as you experienced. Here’s my personal dealio, I think you still look your age no matter what you do — the skins still thins, your life experience shows in your eyes — after surgery (and recovery) you just look altered, and there is extremely good subtle work going on here, but even so, sometimes you end up looking like a slightly plasticine version of your self.

      • Heather in Arles

        Exactly. Who was it who said that plastic surgery doesn’t actually make you look “better” it just makes you look “different”?

  3. In my family, saggy baggy eyes and eye lids are part of our genetic makeup. I will probably need cosmetic surgery in that area in order to keep my eyesight and protect the health of my eyes (like my father has had to do). Then there are skin cancers that need removing sometimes, so by the time I am 80 I will most likely have a reconstructed face whether I want it or not. 😦

    • Here’s the silver lining, your face is very elastic and surgical techniques have become very refined and work on your eyes is almost undetectable, except you’ll be able to see! The removal of skin cancers is done with a technique called Mohs Micrographic, infinitesimal layers are removed until all the bad cells are gone. The bandage is almost scarier than anything. You will look exactly like your beautiful self 🙂 .

  4. George Kaplan

    Not to be a slimeball but women are Lovely and needless cosmetic surgery usually has the effect of turning them into creepy, eerie, Stepford Wives-like, shiny-faced versions of their previous selves. It is abominable! No offence but look at Heather Locklear and N****e K******, Yikes! Hello, Dead Eyes and Doll Faces! Any culture that thinks the use of fillers and botox makes a person look “sexy” and “young” rather than hideous and laughable has no idea of Beauty. Oops. Off on a rant. As for men who have “procedures”… Two words: Kenny Rogers. Bwahahaha!
    Heather, yes, they were talking nonsense and being vile, you have a delightful face.

    Obviously, cosmetic surgery is a godsend for those who suffer from the many horrible things that Humanity is heir to but otherwise its rise is pernicious. I wish more women could see their own natural beauty and resist the pathetic pressures of a silly youth-obsessed culture.
    PS A good example of the double standard of the culture is a certain crime show whose male lead is frog-faced (and that isn’t an insult, I don’t see anything wrong with that.) while the female lead – a replacement – now looks like a scary mannequin.

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